What to set up, app by app, and what to say to your kid.
Content note: this page mentions online sexual blackmail and suicide. If you or your teen needs to talk to someone now, call or text 988, any time.
Start here
You don’t have to do all of this tonight. Pick the one app or game your kid uses most and set that up first. Then do their phone. Each one takes about 10 to 15 minutes.
Three things matter most, on any app:
Who can contact them. Friends only, or nobody.
Who can become a friend. You approve new ones, at least for younger kids.
What you can see. Most apps now show parents who their kid talks to, without showing the messages.
Do it with your kid, not behind their back. Teens can get around settings. What keeps them safe is being willing to come to you.
Set up their phone
iPhone and iPad (Screen Time)
What it does for you
You approve apps, you approve new contacts, and nude photos sent to your kid get blurred with a warning.
Set it up
Your kid needs to be in your Family Sharing group.
On your iPhone: Settings > Family > your kid’s name > Screen Time. Follow the steps on screen.
Check Ask to Buy: Settings > Family > your kid’s name > Apps & Websites > Restrictions > Ask to Buy, and turn on Require Purchase Approval. Apple turns this on by default for kids under 18 in many places; make sure it’s on.
Approve new contacts (needs iOS 27 or later on every device in the family): Settings > Family > your kid’s name > Allowed Contacts. Turn on Manage [name] Contacts, then turn off Allow Contact Editing. Now your kid has to ask you before they can talk to someone new on Phone, Messages, or FaceTime.
Check Communication Safety: Settings > Screen Time > your kid’s name > Communication Safety. It’s on by default for kids under 18 with current software.
Good to know
Communication Safety checks photos and videos in Messages, AirDrop, FaceTime video messages, shared albums, and some other apps. It blurs nudity, warns your kid, and offers help. Kids under 13 need your Screen Time passcode to view it anyway. The checking happens on the phone; Apple doesn’t see the photos.
Your kid has to accept your request to manage their contacts.
You approve app downloads, and you can limit calls and texts to contacts you’ve added.
Set it up
Install the Google Family Link app on your own phone.
On your kid’s phone: Settings > Google > All services > (under Kids & Family) Parental controls > Let’s do this, and choose your kid’s account. Your kid has to agree.
Approve apps: in Family Link, choose your kid, then Controls > Google Play > Purchases & download approvals > Require approval for, and pick All content.
Limit calls and texts (Android 14 or later): Controls > Contacts, calls & text. Add their contacts (up to 100), then set Allowed calls & texts to Only contacts I add. When your kid asks to add someone, you’ll get a notice to approve or deny.
Good to know
The contacts limit covers regular phone calls and texts only. It doesn’t cover WhatsApp or other messaging apps; use app approvals to decide whether those are on the phone at all.
Anyone can still leave a voicemail.
Family Link can create a Google Account for a kid under 13. Once your kid turns 13 they can ask to stop supervision, but a kid under 18 needs your approval to stop it.
You control who can chat with your kid, who can become a trusted friend, and how much they can spend.
Set it up
Link your account as the parent. On your kid’s Roblox account: Settings > Parental Controls > Add parent. You’ll verify your age with a government ID or a credit card. (Roblox can also email you an invite; your Roblox email has to match the one that got the invite.)
From your account: Settings > Parental controls > your kid’s account.
Set Experience chat and Direct chat to off, or limit Friends chat to trusted friends.
Turn on approval for trusted friend requests.
Set a monthly spending limit (it can be 0) and turn on spending notifications.
Optional: a daily screen-time limit.
Good to know
Since January 2026, Roblox requires a face-based age check before anyone can chat, and it only lets kids chat with people near their own age. In Roblox’s words: “Users who haven’t completed an age check cannot chat on Roblox, regardless of their age.”
Since June 2026, accounts are sorted by age: Roblox Kids (5 to 8, chat off by default), Roblox Select (9 to 15), and standard Roblox (16 and up).
Parents can change chat settings until 16. Spending limits, screen time, and friend approvals are yours until 13. Under 9 needs your consent for any game chat; under 13 needs your consent for direct chat.
Voice chat is only for players 13 and up who’ve passed the age check.
Roblox has never allowed sending images in chat. That’s why scammers try to move kids to another app, which is the warning sign to watch for.
Xbox: the free Xbox Family Settings app lets you approve friend requests and purchases, set screen time, and control who your kid plays with online. Xbox Family Settings app
PlayStation: in the PlayStation Family app, choose your kid, tap the settings icon, then Privacy Settings > Social to control who can message them and send friend requests, and Parental Controls > Spending Restrictions for a monthly limit (it starts at $0). PlayStation Family app
Nintendo Switch and Switch 2: the Nintendo Switch Parental Controls app restricts communicating with others and sets play time. Its Child and Pre-Teen presets restrict communication. On Switch 2, kids under 16 need parental controls set up before using GameChat, and you approve each friend. Nintendo Switch Parental Controls
Set up their social apps
Instagram, Snapchat, Discord, and TikTok all require users to be at least 13. If your kid is younger and has an account, that’s the first conversation.
Instagram
What it does for you
Teen accounts are locked down by default. Supervision lets you see who your teen chats with and set time limits.
Built in for teens
Teen accounts are private by default, so teens approve new followers. Teens under 16 need your permission to loosen this or any other teen setting.
Teens can’t be messaged by anyone they aren’t already connected to.
Suspected nude images in messages are blurred by default. Teens under 16 need your permission to turn that off, and to go live.
New chats show safety tips, a block button, and the month and year the other account joined. Instagram also warns when the person may be in a different country.
Set up supervision
Your teen has to be 13 to 17, and you have to follow them on Instagram.
In the Instagram app, tap Profile (bottom right), then Menu (top right).
Below For families, tap Supervision > Create invite.
Review the information, then tap Continue.
Choose Find your teen on Instagram or Send your teen a link, and follow the steps.
Your teen accepts. The invite expires after 7 days.
Good to know
With supervision you see who they’ve connected with and who they chat with, but not the messages. You can set a daily limit and sleep hours.
One supervision invite can cover your teen’s Instagram, Facebook, Messenger, and Threads accounts.
Family Center shows you your teen’s friends, who they’re chatting with, and how they know new friends. It doesn’t show the messages.
Set it up
Get Snapchat on your own phone and sign up.
Add each other as friends.
Open Family Center: search “family” or “parent” in the app, or go to Settings (the gear icon, top right of your Profile).
Invite your teen. They tap Accept.
Good to know
You can see their friend list and new friends, who they’re messaging, and screen time. You can also set content restrictions and turn off My AI.
Built-in protections for 13 to 17, which can’t be turned off: private by default, hidden from search unless there’s already a connection, location sharing off by default, and a warning when they chat with someone who has no mutual friends.
Family Pairing links your account to your teen’s, so you can set screen time, filter content, and control who can message them. Your teen can make your settings stricter, but can’t loosen them.
Set it up
Do this on both phones, yours and your teen’s:
In the TikTok app, tap Profile at the bottom.
Tap the Menu button at the top, then Settings and privacy > Family Pairing.
Tap Continue, choose Parent or Teen, then tap Next.
Follow the steps to link the accounts.
Good to know
TikTok only allows direct messages for users 16 and older. For 16 and 17 year olds, Family Pairing lets you decide who can message them.
Teens 13 to 17 get a one-hour daily screen-time limit by default.
You can block specific accounts from your teen, and your teen can choose to notify you when they report something.
13 to 17: a supervised teen account shows you their channel activity and sends you an email when they upload or go live. On a computer: profile picture > Settings > Family Center > Manage kids profiles and features for teens > Invite a teen. You both have to agree. YouTube: Supervision for teens
House rules by age
These are my recommendations, built on the American Academy of Pediatrics’ advice to keep phones and screens out of kids’ bedrooms at night. Make them together and write them down. The AAP’s free Family Media Plan tool makes that easy.
Under 10
Devices get used in shared rooms, not behind closed doors.
You set up every account, and chat stays off.
You approve every app and game.
Screens stay out of the bedroom at night.
10 to 12
Chat is friends only, and you approve new friends.
Once a month, they walk you through their friends list.
No secret friends. You can know who they talk to.
“If anyone asks you to keep a secret from me, tell me.”
Phones charge outside the bedroom at night.
13 to 17
Private accounts on every app, and messages from friends only.
Never send a photo to someone you’ve only met online.
Parent tools (Snapchat, Discord, Instagram supervision) stay on, and they know they’re on.
“You won’t be in trouble for telling me” is a standing promise.
“If anybody ever threatens you online, you won’t be in trouble with me. I’ll help you.”
“If you ever sent something you regret, you can still come to me. We can get it taken down.”
“If someone you met in a game wants to move to another app, tell me first.”
“If anyone online asks you to keep a secret from me, that’s your sign to tell me.”
“Show me who you talk to on here. Anyone you haven’t met in person, let’s talk about.”
Online blackmail, called sextortion
It usually starts with a friendly message from “a girl his age.” Flirting turns into a request for a photo. Once a photo is sent, the demand comes: pay now or your friends and family see it. It can happen in as little as five minutes. The targets are mostly boys 14 to 17, and the offenders are mostly organized groups outside the U.S.
About 3 in every 20 U.S. teens say they’ve been targeted. In a class of 30, that’s four or five kids. NCMEC received about 137 reports a day in 2025, and knows of at least three dozen U.S. teen boys who died by suicide after being targeted.
Paying doesn’t make it stop. More than 1 in 4 victims who paid got more demands. A kid who never sent anything can still be targeted with fake images made by AI from ordinary photos.
What to tell your kid tonight
“You will not be in trouble. Come to me.”
Don’t pay. Stop responding. Block and report.
Don’t delete anything. The police need it.
Images can be taken down at takeitdown.ncmec.org, and nobody has to view the image.
To any teens reading this
If this happens to you, it is not your fault. The person doing it is the criminal. Tell an adult you trust.
Having a really hard time? Call or text 988, any time.
On Roblox, 73% of users who have passed an age check are under 18, and 35% are under 13. Reports of suspected child exploitation that Roblox itself filed with NCMEC went from 13,316 in 2023 to 65,381 in 2025.
The warning sign: someone your kid met in a game wants to move to another app, like Discord or Snapchat, or wants to keep it secret. That’s the moment to step in.
Scams aimed at kids
“Free Robux” and “free V-Bucks” are always a scam, and the game companies say so. The scammers are after the account and the password.
“Easy money” for moving cash through their account makes a teen a money mule. The FBI says that’s illegal even if they didn’t know they were being used.
About 1 in 50 kids has their identity stolen each year. A credit freeze keeps anyone from opening credit in their name.
I’m planning hands-on workshops that get more technical, like locking down phones and accounts and setting up kids’ devices. Leave your email and I’ll let you know when they’re scheduled. They run through my company, Cyber Summit Co.
Talk it through with me
Book a free 20-minute call about your family’s situation. Tell me the specific thing you’re worried about, and we’ll work out what to do first.
